Archive for the ‘funny tweets’ Category


Twitter Attack Round 2: FUNNIEST SIRI TWEETS. Siri, where’s the iPhone 5?

October 5, 2011

Siri apple iphone 4SNow this is some Twitter-Funny, wait no – Twitter magic! Thank you Apple for pissing off the iPhone… uh… iPholks… and introducing Siri!


Dave Zatz
davezatzDave Zatz
Siri: Where is the iPhone 5?
@phillryu: Siri on an AT&T connection is going to be like having a passive aggressive, half-deaf butler.” <- LMAO!
Damian @ Brightstar
DamianOS3Damian @ Brightstar
Siri, where am I? And why am I not wearing any pants?”
Ross Jamieson 
Ross_JamiesonRoss Jamieson 
Siri, find me local drug dealers in order of highest ratings.
Josh Gates
joshuagatesJosh Gates
Siri: Cutting edge technology voiced by a 1980 Speak and Spell.
Chad Darnell
ChadDarnellChad Darnell
Siri” is awfully close to “Suri.” I think you know what I mean.
Ben Kadamus
benkadamusBen Kadamus
#iphone4s quote of the day via @Gizmodo: “Siri? That looks like the most amazing thing I’ll never use.”
Siri, how much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?
Dan Smith
AbuliatronixDan Smith
I just spared you from me trying to make an iPhone “Siri“/Scientology “Suri” joke. #YoureWelcome
Trevor MacSwain
lifeis11Trevor MacSwain
@jbalinski: Siri: I think i have a crush on you.” I just want to be friends, Joe.
Ryan Irvine
ryanirvineRyan Irvine
Siri, what’s the name for the type of autism that makes some people tweet at their local Starbucks?
Andrew Nesbitt
AndrewNezAndrew Nesbitt
When I get an iPhone 4S I’m looking forward to asking Siri the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow.
RT @robyn_sparkles: Will siri be able to understand me when I’m drunk?
Rylie L.
Thinking of changing my name to Siri so more men will be interested in me.
Phil Thompson
PhillyThompPhil Thompson
Apple’s Siri will never work with my accent! Me: “Message my wife I’ll be late.” Phone: “Massage your wifi on a date.”
Kyle Van Essen
kyleveKyle Van Essen
Siri, tweet ‘Poopin’.” “Tweeting ‘Pooping’.” The future is now.
Siri, given enough time to prepare, could Batman defeat Galactus?
Ben Parr
benparrBen Parr
Ask Siri about Skynet, and it will electrocute you and drive your car over a cliff. Try it, I dare you. #iPhone4S
Prince Charles
Charles_HRHPrince Charles
Oops, that was close. Testing new voice command app. Almost wiped out France. #siri #letstalkiphone

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I’m bitterly disappointed that every aspect of the iPhone 4S is dramatically better than its predecessor except its shape.</sarcasm>


Twitter Attack: iPhone 4S Funniest Tweets and iSnark

October 4, 2011

apple iphone 4SWOW – the Twitterverse was ruthless… well more like sad, sullen and cranky when their hopes and dreams for a magical iPhone 5 faded away into the boredom of Tim Cook’s sleep inducing keynote. Yep, all we got was a stupid new camera, stupid new artificial intelligence and a stupid new “free pass” for downloading illegal, sorry – shared, music.

Stupid magic.

Anyway, here’s the funny and the snarky from Twitter on Apple’s new(ish) iPhone…


HAL 9000
HAL9000_HAL 9000
iPhone has declared war on Hallmark. “We’re so sorry for your bankruptcy”
Richard Cobbett
New iPhone feature – Snap a picture of tasty food, have ingredients delivered straight to your fridge. “We call it Kitchen Sync,” says Cook.
Richard Stelling
aj rafael
this will be the biggest fake out if they release an iPhone 5 at this point… they’re announcing way too much old stuff… gahhhhhh
David Strack
Apple is stalling, the new iPhone isn’t ready. Waiting for a sweaty, out-of-breath engineer to bust onto the stage and say “HERE IT IS!”
Andy Ihnatko
Backup. Fnd My iPhone. seen this b4. But! “Find My Friends” is new: tells you when your pals are nearby. “The Fugitive” now over in 10 min.
Noah Kravitz
Set an iPhone up / Without a PC / Like every other smartphone / Has always allowed me?
Ronnie fieg
Leatherbacks > iPhone 4S tupid
I’ll be chaining an iPhone to my keys, and using it for Find My Keys.
Srivathsan G.K
Richard Cobbett
richardcobbettRichard Cobbett
New iPhone feature – Snap a picture of tasty food, have ingredients delivered straight to your fridge. “We call it Kitchen Sync,” says Cook.
RT : The iPhone 4S comes with an inbuilt “Sue Samsung” app.
Jose H. Flores
RT : “The new iPhone is so fast that you can virtually tweet and text at the same time,” is what he should’ve said….
iPhone 4S: world phone with both GSM and CDMA built in
Rob Keyes
lol RT : “We heard you liked the iPhone 4, so we released it again. This strategy worked for The Lion King. We will try it as well”
6 Hours 3G browsing, only 9 on WiFi? Less than last year’s rated 10 hours WiFi.
Christina Warren
The world phone aspect of the iPhone 4S shouldn’t be underestimated.
Mallory Colliflower
This will be the iPhone cycle that I skip.
Amy-Mae Elliott
Does the iPhone *need* a better camera? I’d be really interested to hear from iPhotographers on this.
Jason Tucker
1080p video on the iPhone, better come in a 64gig/128gig version
Juan Sosa
So now there making a poor mans iPhone…great now Section 8 people can afford it
Michael Eck
Really!? All this hype for the ‘new’ iPhone 4.1 with the same design…
Zach Carter
MT yes it does. RT No 4g data speeds in new iPhone=fail. better battery/processor doesn’t make up for it.
Rodrigo Javier
FLASH: Apple shares are down about 3% following unveiling of iPhone 4S
The Dark Lord
the iphone 5 is not exciting. In a few months it’ll get less attention than Colin Creevy’s murder in Deathly Hallows.
Fayek Helmi
they should’ve named Siri “Spock” that would make every single geek on the planet buy the iphone no matter what! “how’s the weather spock?”
Joe Lee
Welcome to the world of the iPhone 4asS – only asses would think this is groundbreaking technology. *yawn*
A City in CO
RT : So can black girls ask their iPhone: “Is my weave laid today?” || !!!!!!
i’m not buying the new iphone unless it’s semi-modular and has wooden sidepanels
iAm Me
The new iPhone is disappointing, no toaster or drinks holder on it? Rubbish
umair haque
It’s simple. There is no iPhone 5 because there is no future.
Mark Pack
So new iPhone makes getting weather forecasts easy. Which would be great if they were accurate.
Хроники редакции
— I’ve been talking to the new iPhone. — And? — It hates me.
umair haque
People. When I said “It’s simple. There is no iPhone 5 because there is no future.” — it was a…joke. WTF.
Andrew Girdwood
Someone ask Siri when the iPhone 5 launch will be.
Judy Goya Jetson
So I herd there is no iPhone 5 its just iPhone 4s
Anne-Marie Guarnieri
OMG ROBOTS ARE GOING TO CONTROL OUR LIVES. Also: bring it. RT More Features of Siri, Voice Control on iPhone
Gus Pinto
guspintoGus Pinto
Siri “Where’s the iPhone 5?”
E.J. Coughlin
iPhone 4S – “The Siri virtual assistant interfaces directly with Wolfram Alpha – two things you won’t use in one convenient package”
Christopher Seavor
conkerhimselfChristopher Seavor
iPhone 4S(lighty different)
Annette Gonzalez
amgoAnnette Gonzalez
Oh shiiiiiii Sprint’s getting the new iPhone? Might be time to switch. I dig their plans.
call me Dee ♥
YoNipplesHairycall me Dee ♥
the iPhone is overrated. androids are better.
Forever Shan
ForevershanForever Shan
RT @AshIsAmazin: Why yall disappointed in the new iPhone? What were you expecting, it to have wings?
Watching Chris Pirillo streaming about the new iPhone. I think he’s about to have a heart attack over his excitement over the new iPhone.
Paul Stamatiou
StammyPaul Stamatiou
My usual iPhone upgrade policy: Wait for the next one or until I crack the front glass (already cracked the back glass).
“Warm bath of sadness”: The #WSJ way of describing today’s #iphone event. WTF?
Rich Pedine
reekyrocksRich Pedine
from what i can tell its a good thing i didnt care about the big iphone announcement today :)
Dane Cook
danecookDane Cook
If you are a tech site who, for the last 6 months, has posted next gen iPhone “rumor roundups” please go swallow a knife.
Pablo Elizalde
EliGPPablo Elizalde
In fairness, I can see why you would want to upgrade to a dual-core iPhone. Who wants to wait a full second to load Angry Birds
nilay patel
recklessnilay patel

Feel pretty stupid about getting punked like that — my apologies. But hey, iPhone 4S, right? What’s up with that, yo?
ObviouslyBenBen Hughes
I will not rest until I find a way to turn the voice of “Siri” on the iPhone 4S into the voice of @TobyTurner‘s Stephen. #BESTASSISTANTEVER
Peter Cohen
flargh Peter Cohen
I’m bitterly disappointed that every aspect of the iPhone 4S is dramatically better than its predecessor except its shape.</sarcasm>
Michael Pierce
OverlandParker Michael Pierce
I’m a huge fan of Apple, but I have to say that I’m a little disappointed that the new iPhone 4S can’t even clone sheep.
EDPoloLoco MoneyEd
@Ambitious_IAM Wat is the new iPhone suppose to do?”i heard it has a telepathy app
Simon Says
simoncowart Simon Says
RT @TheFix: Serious question: Do I buy the “new” iPhone or wait until the 5 comes out? // I’m waiting for the five for superficial reasons
Reuben Mourad
ReubenMourad Reuben Mourad
Spending the morning with my iPhone and a pair of sharp scissors, scratching an “S” into the back of it. I’m so cool and up to date.

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March 29, 2011

A deadly snake on the loose in NY! Hilarity Ensues… on Twitter.



bronx zoo snake twitter

Oh sssssssssnap!

BronxZoosCobra: @peternbcnews Don’t turn around. I’m right behind you. Just kidding! lol!
about 4 hours ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: Holding very still in the snake exhibit at the Museum of Natural History. This is gonna be hilarious!
about 23 hours ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: Anyone know if Rebecca Black lives in NYC? No reason.
1 day ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: Dear NYC, Apples and snakes have gone together since the beginning.
1 day ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: I want to thank those animals from the movie “Madagascar.” They were a real inspiration.
1 day ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

For the funny scroll down, if you’ve missed the full story check this >

TimeNewsfeed: Cobra escapes from Bronx Zoo, promptly gets a Twitter account (@BronxZooCobra) |
about 2 hours ago via HootSuite · Reply · View Tweet

whiterabbit8563: RT @pritesh23: Looking for the #bronxzoocobra? It’s actually@bronxzooscobra
33 minutes ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

alt161: How hard can it be to find a cobra with a smart phone?@BronxZoosCobra
15 minutes ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

bridgemama: RT @FernandaAdames: RT @BronxZoosCobra: Donald Trump is thinking about running for president?! Don’t worry, I’ll handle this. Where is Trump Tower exactly?
9 minutes ago via ÜberSocial · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: According to the rules of Twitter, I think I’m supposed to announce a multi-city comedy tour now. Right @ConanOBrien & @CharlieSheen?
6 minutes ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

dgcarolina: @bronxzoocobra has over 66K followers on twitter already – this snake knows how to do NYC up right!
3 minutes ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

BronxZoosCobra: Not a fan of G.I. Joe.
about 4 hours ago via web · Reply · View Tweet

pareemichele: RT @BronxZoosCobra: Dear @CharlieSheen, know what’s better than tiger’s blood? Cobra venom. #winning
15 minutes ago via ÜberSocial · Reply · View Tweet

FYI: @Bronxzoocobra is the wrong account

jenniferfalls: Did they ban the #BronxZooCobra?
2 minutes ago via Twitter for iPhone · Reply · View Tweet

garnetstorm: Big hiss to Twitter for suspending @bronxzoocobra account.
1 minute ago via Echofon · Reply · View Tweet

kst8er76: RT @jaywalker20: What the heck! The @Bronxzoocobra has been suspended? If a snake can’t speak his mind freely, then who can?
25 minutes ago via TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet

Careful out there, ‘cuz remember, you are what you tweet!


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TimeNewsfeed: Cobra escapes from Bronx Zoo, promptly gets a Twitter account (@BronxZooCobra) |
about 2 hours ago via HootSuite · Reply · View Tweet



OMG There’s Balloon boy shirts and they’re FUNNY! #balloonboy

October 16, 2009

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Hours and hours of live Denver television… a trending topic #balloonboy on Twitter Thursay trending well into Friday and now this. :-) Oh, I threw in some funny balloon boy tweets too!

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itsKJonesBitch: I know this #balloonboy need his ass whooped and so do his parents …. Hidin’ !!! Wtf wanna be celebrities
half a minute ago from UberTwitter · Reply · View Tweet
ChaosX8: #balloonboy ‘s dad owes me an Egg McMuffin. I was unable to eat mine after his baby bird threw up on TODAY, ewww.
half a minute ago from web · Reply · View Tweet
314media: #balloonboy … Hope parents get a bill for wasting time and efforts chasing a balloon. Next time my cat’s in a Tree I’m calling CNN!
less than a minute ago from TweetDeck · Reply · View Tweet
HollisCGuerra: RT @theblowout should #balloonboy get “best attic hideout since anne frank” or “best hideout when your mom said no (savedbythebell)” award?
less than a minute ago from web · Reply · View Tweet
ExpressCareTX: Dang. Should of had my logo on that balloon. #BalloonBoy
12 minutes ago from PeopleBrowsr · Reply · View Tweet
_LowEndTheory_: RT @FlyOne #balloonboy and his parents should be lined up and bitch slapped by everyone who helped search for the kid
half a minute ago from twidroid · Reply · View Tweet

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Becareful out there ‘cuz you are what you tweet!



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WTF! Billy Mays! Say it isn’t so!!

August 8, 2009

Holy Crap! This is BOUND to Twitter Trend!

*Anonymous Facbook Friend says> Uh-oh. No wonder he talked so loud and fast.

An autopsy report issued Friday by Hillsborough County, Florida, cites cocaine as a contributing factor in the death of TV pitchman Billy Mays, who died in June at age 50.
Here’s a glimpse at what the Twitterverse is sayin’ about it!
  1. Smrlr_linked_in_hs_normalDanaworld Wow ! Billy Mays was a cokehead! Get OUT! Of here!half a minute ago from TwitterBerry
  2. Icon-tfunny_normaltfunny Well, I thought Billy Mays needed “Cholesty-clean” but APPARENTLY he needed “COKEY-CLEAN” (or cokie-clean?)> minute ago from web
  3. Default_profile_normalSchoollyz @Ron_Shawler hanging out with Billy mays?2 minutes ago from TwitterFon
  4. H_normalPceLuvHannah (703): how do you have sooo much energy? (571):billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week4 minutes ago from web
  5. Weird_science_dvd_flashback_edition_normalmickmoart @Ryche666 Doctor Rockso and Billy Mays are pretty much the same person I think! LOL! RT :P5 minutes ago from web
  6. Copy_of_3018841121_85121ac4d0_m_normalmckennawise is saddened by the fact that Billy Mays sold white powder and snorted it.6 minutes ago from API
  7. Mama_spikething_normalMamaSpikething I uploaded a YouTube video — TV Pitchman BillyMays Doing Cocaine Drugs minutes ago from Google
  8. Cptcover_normalChrisPartain billy mays!!! cocaine in system???!!!! oxiclean stuff if guess…..8 minutes ago from TweetDeck
  9. March_2008_023_normalChaosX8 this news about Billy Mays is…I dunno…sad?8 minutes ago from web
  10. I-like-turtles_normaltimelighter Billy Mays was on cocaine? IT ALL MAKES SENSE: minutes ago from twhirl

  1. 1213571_gorilla_marketing_normalIANurbaniq Billy Mays‘ Family Want A Second Opinion! – The family of legendary pitchman Billy Mays are slamming th… minute ago from HootSuite

  2. 2829_785637134809_8843383_45428329_4556671_n_normalnatc87 i knew it! Billy Mays was on drugs…no man can be that annoying selling tv products WITHOUT drugs3 minutes ago from web
  3. Sliver_normalmikeybd Billy Mays had Vicodin, Oxycodone, Xanax, Valium, Restoril, alcohol and cocaine in him when he died.4 minutes ago from UberTwitter
  4. Ya_boy_normalbballat billy mays did crack :[5 minutes ago from web
  5. April_may_023_normalNVCN @donlemoncnn Billy Mays…gotta suck for the people guilty by association5 minutes ago from web
  6. Cimg0338_normalL__Money My faith in humanity is waning. Baseball players all do drugs. Michael Jackson did drugs. And now Billy Mays5 minutes ago from web
  7. 2009-01-21_normalmpahu This might explain why he was so loud and energetic. Cocaine use contributed to Billy Mays‘ death: minutes ago from web
  8. Carridetwitter2_normalkristynn cocaine was a factor in billy mays‘ death? color me not at all surprised.8 minutes ago from twhirl
  9. Ls_0114_dot_bite_normalWhereru123 Will Billy Mays appear on the new season of Futurama?10 minutes ago from Twittelator
  10. Utah_normalthrowingutah The guy narrating this Shark Week program sounds like Billy Mays…I’m sort of hoping one eats him.12 minutes ago from web
  11. Default_profile_normalchubs2 billy mays was on coke14 minutes ago from web
  12. L_363d21295c3151086d2cc61ca0362326_normalChibichan55 O….M…..F…..G….Guess what I found out about BillyMays today :D minutes ago from web
  13. Img00196_normalmichaelkruse Billy Mays. Cocaine. Who cares?16 minutes ago from web

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Be safe out there, and always remeber: U R what you U tweet!


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